I was staring out at the open sea tonight and I started thinking about u .. .changing tides and emotions …beautiful but inconsistent .. with hidden treasures …sunken beneath depths of unconquered territories … i want to hold u ….know that u r mine but sumhow I know that it can never be .. I can never own u .. u r the forbidden fruit that I can never have ….maybe that’s why u will never read this letter .. but I have to get this out even if it is to a computer screen .. u amaze me .. u engage me .. u lead me on and then u leave me .. u play wid me .. u do what very few ppl have done to me .. u confuse me .. when I have a conversation.. I generally take control .. I know exactly what to say and when ..where to lead the conversation.. but with u its so much more .. I never know what to expect from u .. there are so many things I wanna hear from u .. and there are so many things I wanna say to u .. but iam scared that the timing is wrong and I never say anything .. just waiting for u to say sumthing which will tell me what I want to know ..maybe its because I am too scared to lose u .. iam scared that in wanting more I might lose what I have ..is that what is gonna happen .. are u going to leave me if I bare my heart to u .. if I tell u that u r the only thing on my mind nowadays ... when I go to sleep u r on my mind .. when I wake up u r on my mind ..and what goes on in the middle is amazing … if only it would be real and not a dream .. sometimes these dreams are so real I almost live them .. I know that u r too good for me .. I know that u deserve better than me ….but give me a chance and ill change .. I promise ..only if u came to me ….I wont mess up our room .. I wont leave the socks lying abt .. I wont lose my keys and even if I did I wont ask u where they are … u will have the control of the remote control …even if it’s a India pak match and u wanna watch a soap … ill listen to what ur frnds evil boyfriend did to her .. I wont give directions when u r driving and I will ask u for directions when iam driving .. I will smile even if u bang the car … ill learn all the shades from white to yellow and ill never say that u have the same colour …. Ever again …. I wont be crazy when ur mother comes visiting .. she can stay as long as she wants ….. how do I make u understand what u mean to me .. I have thought of so many ways in which id like to show u my love but when I think of u and what I feel for u …. The love so pure … so intense …so complete …that these all seem theatrical .. they can never show u what I have for u .. that is for u to learn ... to know …to see . to feel…to touch …to accept ..or to reject ....
When I started writing this letter I thought I would never be able to tell u what I feel and that we wud always be this way .. where we say not what we feel and know not what to say … but now this will change … this letter will do it for me … what I don’t have the courage to do … this letter will do .. I know I sound like a loser …. I wasn’t like this .. believe me .. its just wid u that I feel so helpless …so out of control .. I wish I could walk upto u and tell u that u r the most important thing in my life … but sumthing stops me . .. its my fear but I cant let this stop me from telling u what I feel now … I will never be able to forgive myself if I did so .. this is what it really is

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
just checking if the damn thing works

I have wondered where all of this started .. when was it that i found myself so hopelessly in love that u became a need ... at which point did the casual flirting become a passion .. a passion that i had never felt before or have felt ever since ... i started dreaming ... dreams that were so real that i had alomost lived them .... everything reminded me of u ... the red pages in my diary ... an empty chair ... a song on the radio ... i started smiling for no reason ... my frnds thot sumthing was wrong wid me .. they didnt know that for the first time in my life ...everything seemed right ... i wanted to know everything about u ... the things u liked .. things u didnt ... what u thot ... what u hoped for .. what u aimed for ... what u wanted in life .... when i went away i had hopes for us ... i thot we cud be one .. we cud have a future together ... i didnt want to leave ... but i had to .... when i was away .. i wrote u a letter each day ... i cudnt send them but i wrote one each day ... abt what i felt , what i dreamed , what we wud be doing if only u were wid me .. i looked at the stars and felt close to u .. why i dont know .. but that became a symbol for me .. days were harder when i cudnt see any stars and i wud curse myself .. y did i have to think of the stars and not the sea .. the sea was there all the time .. but i dont know why .. but it was the stars .. and u were there for me .. when we spoke u had so much to tell me .. i just listened on .. listening to ur voice as u told me all that was happening in ur life .. i just listened knowing that these moments when u i cud hear ur voice were too precious for me to say anything .. we wud talk for hours but so much was left unsaid .. i wish i had those moments again and i cud tell u all i wanted to say to you ... i wud talk to the stars .. tell them what i cudnt tell u ... then ur calls stopped .... u changed ur no. too ... i didnt know what to do .. i wrote to u ... so many times ... u didnt write back .... my mind feared the worst but my heart wudnt believe it ... it still wanted to believe in us and our dreams ... so did i .. and so i kept writing to u .. and kept waiting for a reply ... it never came ...then i came back .. i went to ur house .... i wanted to suprise u ... but i didnt see any joy on ur face when u saw me ... it broke my heart but i still smiled ... u told me that u r getting engaged to ur ex-bf .... the guy hu had left u ... guess u learnt sumthing from him ... u love the one hu leaves u and leave the one hu loves u .... but that wont stop me from loving u ... its much to pure and strong in spirit to die by your actions ... i will love beacause i know my love is true ... people call it insanity .... i call it love