I was staring out at the open sea tonight and I started thinking about u .. .changing tides and emotions …beautiful but inconsistent .. with hidden treasures …sunken beneath depths of unconquered territories … i want to hold u ….know that u r mine but sumhow I know that it can never be .. I can never own u .. u r the forbidden fruit that I can never have ….maybe that’s why u will never read this letter .. but I have to get this out even if it is to a computer screen .. u amaze me .. u engage me .. u lead me on and then u leave me .. u play wid me .. u do what very few ppl have done to me .. u confuse me .. when I have a conversation.. I generally take control .. I know exactly what to say and when ..where to lead the conversation.. but with u its so much more .. I never know what to expect from u .. there are so many things I wanna hear from u .. and there are so many things I wanna say to u .. but iam scared that the timing is wrong and I never say anything .. just waiting for u to say sumthing which will tell me what I want to know ..maybe its because I am too scared to lose u .. iam scared that in wanting more I might lose what I have ..is that what is gonna happen .. are u going to leave me if I bare my heart to u .. if I tell u that u r the only thing on my mind nowadays ... when I go to sleep u r on my mind .. when I wake up u r on my mind ..and what goes on in the middle is amazing … if only it would be real and not a dream .. sometimes these dreams are so real I almost live them .. I know that u r too good for me .. I know that u deserve better than me ….but give me a chance and ill change .. I promise ..only if u came to me ….I wont mess up our room .. I wont leave the socks lying abt .. I wont lose my keys and even if I did I wont ask u where they are … u will have the control of the remote control …even if it’s a India pak match and u wanna watch a soap … ill listen to what ur frnds evil boyfriend did to her .. I wont give directions when u r driving and I will ask u for directions when iam driving .. I will smile even if u bang the car … ill learn all the shades from white to yellow and ill never say that u have the same colour …. Ever again …. I wont be crazy when ur mother comes visiting .. she can stay as long as she wants ….. how do I make u understand what u mean to me .. I have thought of so many ways in which id like to show u my love but when I think of u and what I feel for u …. The love so pure … so intense …so complete …that these all seem theatrical .. they can never show u what I have for u .. that is for u to learn ... to know …to see . to feel…to touch …to accept ..or to reject ....
When I started writing this letter I thought I would never be able to tell u what I feel and that we wud always be this way .. where we say not what we feel and know not what to say … but now this will change … this letter will do it for me … what I don’t have the courage to do … this letter will do .. I know I sound like a loser …. I wasn’t like this .. believe me .. its just wid u that I feel so helpless …so out of control .. I wish I could walk upto u and tell u that u r the most important thing in my life … but sumthing stops me . .. its my fear but I cant let this stop me from telling u what I feel now … I will never be able to forgive myself if I did so .. this is what it really is